Yankee Links

Okay, we get it. The Yankees stole Nady and Marte, and Tabata is a bum. We get it. This is no longer the franchise that traded Fred McGriff for Dale Murray, Doug Drabek for a washed-up Rick Rhoden, Jay Buhner for Ken Phelps, Willie McGee for God-knows-who.

We are back to the glory days of Gabe Paul getting us Mickey Rivers and Ed Figueroa for Bobby Bonds, Willie Randolph for Ken Brett, Sparky Lyle for Danny Cater, Bucky Dent for Oscar Gamble, Graig Nettles for God-knows-who. Or the days of Gene Michaels and Joe Watson trading for Paul O'Neill, Wade Boggs, David Cone, Tino Martinez, John Wetteland, Joe Girardi, and Cecil Fielder--all while having the foresight to hang on to Bernie Williams, Mariano Rivera, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte and Jorge Posada.

Understand: we get it.

Jay Sherman has made his point. Three times now. So we don't need to hear any more until after the season, right?

When Mike Lupica is on, there are few Sunday morning delights to rival his "Shooting from the Lip" (I would list only George Will's column, Roger Ebert's alternating Great Movies/Movie Answer Man, Howie Carr in the Boston Herald, and Mark Steyn, though lately the Orange County Register has been slipping Steyn (currently on vacation) into cyberspace on Saturday afternoons.)

But when Lupica misses, when he ranges into matters he knows nothing about (college football) or into Bush Derangement territory . . . the result is as if a ten-car pileup had given birth to a large steaming turd.

As evidence, I submit today's column, in which Lupica sets the land-speed record for putting one's head up one's ass.

Start with the headline: "Clearing Clemens is Bush league move by President."

"Clearing," as in a pardon.

Q: So President Bush is pardoning Roger Clemens?

A: No.

So he's considering pardoning Roger Clemens?

No.

So Clemens has asked at least asked for a pardon?

No.

So President Bush might, some time next January, pardon Roger Clemens?

Sure he might.

Says who?

Brian McNamee's lawyer.

Oh. So he's heard President Bush will pardon Clemens?

No.

So he's heard Bush might pardon Clemens?

No.

So what has Bush or any of his people said about Clemens?

Nothing.

So what makes McNamee's lawyer make this allegation?

Marion Jones.

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. So Bush is going to pardon Marion Jones?

No.

So he said he might?

No.

He at least said he's considering it? You know, like, "All options are on the table"?

No.

Okay. What evidence is there that Marion Jones is getting a pardon?

She asked for one.

Who can ask for a pardon?

Anyone. You or I could.

So, based upon the fact that Marion Jones asked for a pardon, with no indication that she's getting one; and further, that Roger Clemens didn't ask for a pardon, with no indication that he will even ask for one; and that, like Marion Jones, there's no indication at all that he'd get one if he did ask for one--based upon this, we get a Mike Lupica column speculating that President Bush might pardon Roger Clemens.

Sure.


It is clear that Lupica thinks he has Bush dead to rights on these words, from Bush's State of the Union Address:

"Athletics play such an important role in our society, but, unfortunately, some in professional sports are not setting much of an example. The use of performance-enhancing drugs like steroids in baseball, football, and other sports is dangerous, and it sends the wrong message - that there are shortcuts to accomplishment, and that performance is more important than character. So tonight I call on team owners, union representatives, coaches, and players to take the lead, to send the right signal, to get tough, and to get rid of steroids now."

And, don't you see, pardoning Clemens would make Bush a hypocrite.

And you know what? I agree.

But nothing at all has indicated Bush might do so.

Even those who scream "Scooter Libby!" need to calm down. Viewed in the most cynical light (which I reject, but let's go ahead) Bush's commutation (not pardon) of Libby was a giant act of ass-covering.

That's the most cynical reading. And there's not even that this time, since Clemens never played for Bush's Rangers.

Until such time, Lupica is guilty of a McGlaughlin prediction at best. You know, those predictions at the end of "The McGlaughlin Group," where it pays to either predict the same thing over and over and assume the odds are with you (like Lawrence O'Donnell, who predicted Bad Things For The Republicans for six straight years and was wrong every time, right up until the 2006 midterms, after which he proclaimed, "I'm here to gloat!"); or else (as with Lupica) predict something outlandish and at least six months down the line. If you're wrong, nobody remembers. If you're right, you get to say, "I'm here to gloat!"

What Lupica submitted to his editor isn't journalism, it isn't writing, it isn't even thought. It's picking your mother's birthday every day in the lotto, and hoping it pays off.