Live-blogging at the Oscars

Opening monologue. Degeneres bombs. "And Al Gore, who the American people did select . . ." Christ. What next, Enron jokes?

First guy to get played off: the technical guy for Pan's Labyrinth . . . just so we could go back for more Degeneres humor. This is turning into a dreary evening. And why didn't they award a best-supporting actor or actress award early, just to liven things up?

Will Smith's kid and Little Miss Sunshine himself . . . award for the shorts! Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, brother.

Dinner break.

Alan Arkin wins--good for him. LMS's consolation prize?

Oh, now DeGeneres interviews Wahlberg right after Wahlberg lost. Yipes.

Now, the Gore song.

1. Nice, being lectured about cardon emissions by the Gulfstream crowd.

2. That stuff in the back is, flat-out political advocacy. “Elect leaders” who do this and that.

3. Gore and DiCaprio. I’m going to go idle my car in my parking lot for a half-hour.

Writer's montage isn't bad.

Hanks and Mirren for Best Adapted Screenplay. NOW can we get rolling here?

And the winner is: William Monahan . . . for translating Infernal Affairs into English.

Ahhh, I wanted Cohen to win.

DeGeneres with an Oscar caddie. Smiles.

DeGeneres asks Spielberg for a second take. OK. That's three laughs in ninety minutes.

Almost ten now. Posted this haiku on Irish Trojan:

Seinfeld presents doc
Await inevitable
Gore getting restless

And Gore wins. Says, "My fellow Americans . . ." thus cancelling out his funny moment earlier.

Oh, God . . . ten o'clock, and we haven't gotten to the roll call of the dead.

Ten twenty-five, and nothing yet.

An Inconvenient Truth has just won two more Oscars than Manhattan did.

Thanks to Helen Mirren for being the only winner not requiring a) a script, or b) a stammer.

DeGeneres just resorted to a "the band smokes dope" joke. 1971 just called for his puinch line.

Forrest Whitacker reads, but he's all right.

Scrosese wins: "Can you double-check the envelope?" The Departed is not one of his best five films, but this is how things go.

Clint Eastwood, caught yawning.

Diane Keaton, sputtering and stammering and channeling Annie Hall.

And The Departed, your Best Picture.

Good for Scorsese. But a dreary evening.