NFL to priest: Drop dead

A church in the Park Slope section of Brooklyn has invited a group of youngsters (by which I think they mean "boys") to a pre-game Mass tomorrow, after which the priest and congregation will retire to the basement to watch the Super Bowl on a 42-inch LCD television. After the game, the TV will be raffled off, and the proceeds (past the cost of the TV) donated to various church youth functions.

Not so fast, says the NFL, whose lawyers sent the (offending?) priest a letter demanding he cease and desist.

No, I'm not kidding. Apparently the NFL's lawyers are too concerned that too many clusters of too many people assembling to watch the game (as opposed to being at home, watching it in their livings rooms) will adversely affect the Nielsen ratings for the show, which would harm the rates the televising network could charge, which in turn would, down the road, harm the rights fees the league could charge for televising the game. In that spirit, the NFL has taken it upon itself to forbid the showing of the Super Bowl for any money a) to large groups in venues not usually used for the watching of football, and b) on screens larger than 55 inches.

So: no churches. No Kiwanis dining rooms. But sports bars are okay. (Incidentally, I recall their being some trouble about sports bars showing too many games, or not paying rights fees, or something. As I remember, the NFL threatened to get tough, the bars threatened a nationwide boycott of Budweiser, which pays a zillion dollars in ads fees to networks during NFL games. End of story.)

This kind of overreaching reminds me of how vigorous the NFL goes to protect the trademark of the name, "Super Bowl," so much so that the subsitute names merchants use in hawking their wares ("Big Game," "Super Game") have become a running joke. How long before the subsitutions are thought to be actionable?

Already the NFL, sensing a PR nightmare for serving Fr. Flanagans across the country, is starting the backpeddle.

Incidentally, I have found a trick that makes watching NFL football a bit more bearable. It is a trick I had heard of, but never thought to employ until now.

It's this: Unless the day's fare is a match-up of two unfamiliar teams and is a game I have been waiting for all week . . . I never watch any pre-game shows whatsoever.

The single pre-game show I have seen in a month was CBS's, before the New England-San Diego playoff game, just to get some insight on the Chargers' blitzing, which was brought to me by splendidly intelligent Jason Taylor of the Dolphins. Taylor's statement about Tom Brady--"He's one quarterback you can't pressure by getting close to him; he only feels pressure when you knock him down"--was something I had noticed all season, but hadn't put into words quite as well. But beyond that one time, nothing, natta. Don't want to hear the picks, don't want to hear the fake laughs, don't want to hear who's got something to prove. During the week after the Pats-Chargers game, I stayed away from all TVs on the assumption that there was nothing new anyone had to say about the Patriots and Colts. The game itself was marvelous and heartbreaking and I don't think I missed a thing.

(Now post-game shows are another matter; I don't mind watching someone comment on something that actually happened that day.)

Tomorrow? Colts? Bears? Wake me up at twenty past five, Central time.